Are you compatible with Don?

At the heart of Don Tillman's search for a wife is a sixteen-page, scientifically rigorous questionnaire. For the purposes of this exercise, Don has scaled it down to the most important ten questions.

Your answers are confidential. Professor Don Tillman makes no undertaking that he will accept any candidate or, even if a candidate is found to be compatible, that he will enter into a permanent relationship.

Estimated time to complete — 3 minutes 8 seconds.

1. I undertake the ironing task

  • Concurrently with intellectual activities.
  • While watching television.
  • Without disturbances that might reduce the quality of the result.
  • I outsource / delegate my ironing.
  • I would expect my partner to do / share the ironing.
  • My clothes do not require ironing.

2. I prefer my martini

  • With an olive.
  • With a twist.
  • Depends on my mood.
  • Either way – doesn’t matter.
  • I don’t like martinis.
  • I don’t drink.

3. My star sign is

  • Earth.
  • Air.
  • Fire.
  • Water.
  • Entirely irrelevant.

4. I exercise

  • At the gym, regularly.
  • In conjunction with some other useful activity, regularly.
  • On schedule, except when something comes up.
  • In accordance with a training program for a specific event.
  • When I feel like it.
  • Never or almost never.

5. I like to talk about

  • Facts.
  • People.
  • Theories.
  • Events.
  • Whatever is on my mind.
  • I prefer to listen, rather than talk.

6. I smoke

  • A packet or more per day.
  • Occasionally, e.g. after sex.
  • Rarely.
  • I gave up smoking less than a year ago.
  • I gave up smoking more than a year ago. Completely.
  • Never.

7. My favourite ice-cream flavour is

  • Chocolate.
  • Vanilla.
  • Liquorice.
  • A fruit flavour.
  • I don’t eat ice cream because I’m on a diet.
  • All flavours taste much the same.

8. My car

  • Is practical and cost-effective.
  • Is a heap of junk.
  • Makes a statement.
  • Is electric.
  • I use public transport.
  • I ride a bike.

9. The most important person of the twentieth century was

  • Albert Einstein.
  • Sigmund Freud.
  • Vladimir Lenin.
  • Bob Dylan.
  • Francis Crick.
  • Princess Diana.

10. The best way to settle a marital argument is

  • Rational discussion.
  • Arbitration.
  • I keep arguing until my partner gives in.
  • I give in.
  • Sex.

Congratulations!

You scored %

You're a potential match with Don Tillman, which is lucky, as you may not be compatible with many other people. Of course, you'll need to complete all 120 questions – and get full marks – to actually qualify.

Congratulations!

You scored %

Not quite there. No point wishing you were, because you're probably as much of a perfectionist as Don, and 'almost' isn't going to be enough. If you're looking for a partner, you may need to design your own questionnaire. And join a relaxation class.

Congratulations!

You scored %

You've got quite a lot of Don in you, but not so much that people think you're certifiably weird. Okay, maybe some people do. If you're looking for a partner, think about enrolling in a postgraduate computer science course. (You've already got a science degree, right?)

Congratulations!

You scored %

It looks like a middling score, but you're in danger of falling between two stools – not the right person for Don, but enough like him that you'll need to choose your partner with a certain amount of science. Speed dating with a questionnaire could be the answer.

Congratulations!

You scored %

You and Don are a long way apart, but you're probably compatible with most of the rest of humanity. If you're looking for a partner, you'll probably find one. Singles dinners should do the job.

Congratulations!

You scored %

Totally incompatible. (If you got zero, it may be because you smoke.) You're right down there with…Rosie.

Of course, love has no respect for questionnaires.

As The Rosie Project tells us.

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